just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
