She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize