Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
