it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
