it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
