Will you blow on my dice?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize