think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
