i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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