the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
