6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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