when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
