I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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