i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
