Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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