dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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