Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
