Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
