Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you inspire me to be a worse person
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
