made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
