Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
