shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
