He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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