You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
