wanna go halves on a baby?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize