they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
