You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
