woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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