I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
