We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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