remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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