I looked at my own cervix.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wear drunk well.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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