I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
