break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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