So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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