the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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