was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
