Who did Billy Mays play for?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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