why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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