my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
