Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You may now shotgun with the bride
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
