I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
