dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
