every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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