In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
