Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
