im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
