life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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