I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
