I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
