i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
