tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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