at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
