mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize