last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want to make out with him forever
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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