My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
