i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
