I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
