god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So apparently I’m into choking now
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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