I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You are the jesus of drinking
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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