She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's shark week go big or go home
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
