piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
