I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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