We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
