And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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