me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
