I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
