the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
