take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
