Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
