Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
