My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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