Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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