I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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