Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize