how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
