Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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