OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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