you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
