its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Edward fifth and chaser hands
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
