i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
