Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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