Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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