Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
