I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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