im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
