im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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