I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize