Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
