I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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