youre lurking in front of me
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We left the knife in your bed.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
