$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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