I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
