Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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