You're my little dorito
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
