You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
