I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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