It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize