Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
