You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
