I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
